Sacrifice.

Brian and Sarah are best friends, they even grew up together. They even play together while they were kids. and even attend the same school and classes. They were like chained together for eternity. If Brian was sad, Sarah will be the same. It's more likely, they shared every joy and every pain. Brian still remember those beautiful days. Sometimes, they would hang out together under a tree, with their guitars to sing along and books to study along. He love those days, for eternity. And the best thing is, he remembered when they were telling stories to each other, they would lean their backs together and even lay down on the grass together while they cracked jokes all the way through the night.

10 years passed. They're now attend the same college, again. As what they've planned since they were kids. They even took the same courses which is multimedia engineering. Because they've planned to start their own business when they graduated some day. Well, the story goes this way. During their college years back then, Brian started to have feelings for Sarah. And it happened in all of sudden. The feeling is not the same when they were kids. He don't know when it started, but what he remembered, it was in the college cafeteria. He never stop looking at her. Every time she smiles, there was a force to look at her. Sometimes, he ask himself in front of the mirror, "what happened to you?" He even washed his face a couple of times in the washroom and slapped his face two times on each side. And this continues for the whole 1 month. He started to think, that, he should express his feelings for her. He took about two hours as far as he remember to make the decision. And at last, he decided to see her and express all his feelings for her, whether she like it or not. Because, he can't take those feelings anymore. He can't hold it. He can't stand it anymore!

Then, he walk all the way to see her. Then suddenly, something stumbled him. He don't know how and why he stopped. It's like something forcing him to look down and not to look up. But he forced himself to look up anyway. Then, his heart stopped abruptly for awhile. He saw it was Sarah with other guy. They hugged each other. He don't know if he want to cry, or just acting stupid by approaching them and say " hi ", or just simply walk away in silence. He can't think, but that feeling is still flowing. It's like rampantly flowing out. And lastly, he decided to walk away. Back then, in the boys dorm, in his room, he lay down and kept thinking. He kept thinking and thinking. Then something telling him, now he knows why he stumbled and took a long time to decide to express his feelings to Sarah. He was too late. Twenty minutes after that, Sarah's boyfriend came in. He pretend to sleep. Then Brian asked him where did he go just now? Without hesitation, he told all of his wonderful experience with Sarah at the park. "Yes, I'm too late." he told himself. And at the end, all he can say is "congrats buddy". 

Now, it has been two weeks that Sarah's relationship flourished. It even get better. Basically, on both relationship and education. To be honest, Brian felt like he was put aside. Like he was a "new" friend. And he remember his education getting worse that time. Because at that moment, he was losing hope and at the same time, he was rebelling. For the rest of few years, they didn't get along again. Sarah walk on her own path, while Brian was on his own. It's not because she hate him or, don't want to hang out with him again, but it's because he ignore her. She care for me, while he hate her. She was worried about me, while he's completely ignoring her.

It continues for three months, until he received a news. Sarah was involved in an accident. An accident that puts her boyfriend in coma and causes Sarah to completely blind, unless if there's a someone who's willing to donate their eyes. Brian rushes to the hospital. He saw Sarah's boyfriend was completely injured. And at the corner, he saw his angel Sarah, blindfolded with bandage. He ask the doctor if there's someone who's willing to donate, but they haven't found one. After an hour, another bad news struck him. Sarah's boyfriend couldn't be saved. He died. Brian cry. He hold his hand and regret of all what he have done towards him. Their parents was on the way that night. And yet, Brian was worried about Sarah. Then he started to think, what if there's no donor, who's willing to donate? what should he tell her about her boyfriend when she woke up? He pushed himself to think that night. But that took him longer than the one when he was thinking of expressing himself. After a long thinking, he decided to donate his eyes. Even though he's not her couple, but she's still his best friend. His angel, his guardian, his protector. He see those pretty face for the last time and deep within "i love you" that's what he said.

Then, suddenly it turned black. He knows that the operation was a major success. Now, he can't see, he don't even know what happened around the world and he don't know why, he can't even move. He understand. He heard his parents said to him the other day Sarah visited her and he knows she was there. He smiled. The next day, Brian was on his way to his favorite coffee shop. He forgot he can't see anymore. And then, he got hit by a car. He's badly injured. His parents took him to the hospital and ask for the doctor to make an operation quickly. But sadly, he couldn't be saved. Sarah was there, crying her heart out. She lost a friend, a loyal friend. His parents then give her a diary, Brian's diary. That was Brian's will and he told his parents to give it to Sarah when he was gone. But what Sarah didn't know is Brian had cancer. Sarah read the diary, the content was "It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm. She said, "I miss you." I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home." She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine. I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go." 
Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat. 
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!" 
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home. 


Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night. 

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station." 
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship. 

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go. 
She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this." 

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Brian and Sarah was here, Brian had tea and Sarah was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Brian and Sarah would always remember this day, always be friend, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face. 


She said, "Brian, I can't find it, it's not there anymore." 

I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?" 
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?" 
I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other. 


Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Sarah, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Sarah was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind. 



She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside. But what she doesn't know is, i love her. I don't have the chance to tell her but maybe my eyes would tell." 
and she cried even harder.